God, this episode brings back all the feels. This entire season brings the feels.
I’ve been rewatching all of Daria partly because it’s an amazing show, and partly because of the nostalgia.
I’ve been slipping back into introversion lately, despite living the dream that I always wanted. I love my job, as exhausted as it makes me. I do love my home, my cats, my roommate and my friends. Unlike when I was watching Daria the first go-round, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror most days due to an amazingly low self-image that I thought the kid in front of me may have actually weight 500 lbs, knowing now it was a complete impossibility I even got close.
My default reaction to any and all frustrations and negativity in my life is to just runaway. Just walk off, don’t look back. Obviously, this isn’t what I ever actually do. I try to deal with issues head-on in the most logical fashion.
In a way, I am almost relieved I’m not moving to LA quite yet. More time with my friends, more time to prepare. And, if I moved without actually getting admitted, I’d have to admit I’m really just doing what my knee-jerk reaction always is - running away from my problems.
And that would make me a hypocrite. I’ve gotten pissed off at several people, him included, for running away from whatever sucks instead of dealing with them. LA is still on the table, but I’m not gonna leave without the reason of school.
The doesn’t make the dreams go away. Two type everytime, almost like it’s representing my options:
1) Running away from my problems/new life in LA. Pretty much just a lot of happy fun time with Chris Evans.
2) Going back in time, going to Arizona, to try to find him before whatever fucked him up, fucked him up. As much as he pisses me off and I’ve tried to brush him off, I can’t deny I still care about him.
So, the problems with both options/dreams is neither is a particularly good way to deal with shit.
I can’t run away.But I can’t go back in time.
So, what’s behind door #3?
Well, a lot can change in a year. Guess we’ll see. For right now, it’s work, cats, adventures, GRE and writing time.